Tune Into My Heart

Time

is running out.

Pressure starts to build as we move closer to our first project deadline. I feel confident compared to the rest of my studio, but not to other studios. I look at their work in awe because of the mediums and techniques they use. I feel that theirs are so much better because I’m stuck with pencil. Yes, pencil can be beautiful. I just wish I had more options instead of being so restricted.

Most of all, I am jealous of one of my closest friends. Yes, the tall German guy. Even though we’re close, I feel that I have to keep him at a distance so that I would not burst out in hatred because of his perfect craft and speed. However, I feel that since we help each other so much in the design process, it would be a disadvantage to lose him. Yes, I can do it by myself, but I always feel better to reassure myself with someone I admire.

Men? Always the second thing on my mind, behind Architecture. Why…
Do I need one? Not at all.
Am I looking for one? Not really.

So why do I think so much about them?
Why do I think so much about the past?
Why do I think so much about what I could have changed?

Am I having doubts about my independence?
Maybe I just need an outlet. So many questions, just need time to let it process.